Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
