the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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