I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
