If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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