this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
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the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
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He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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