so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
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