So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
