Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
oh god was she eating orange peels again
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
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