i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
