I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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