Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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