I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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