well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
