I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
