WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
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Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
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I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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