apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
i believe in u and ur pee
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
