I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
