how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
