well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
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Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
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we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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