I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
