are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Just pee around me
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
