I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
