Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
foreskin is a definite game changer
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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