the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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