Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
