did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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