i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Randomize
