worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
