Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
