I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
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