Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I need to sanitize my soul.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
