Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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