the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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