It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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