Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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