there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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