Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
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That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
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He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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