Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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