Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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