You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Randomize
