I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
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