btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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