ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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