She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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