I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
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