best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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