I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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