You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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