I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
