I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
