Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
