I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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