I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Randomize
