Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
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