did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
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Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
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GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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