The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
