There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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