I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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