Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
