grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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