The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
