My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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